Okay, not NoGood, but my world and its associated problems press in, and life loses colour. Hope flickers out of existence, and I know things are really bad when I lose my sense of humour. In those moments, the tears come too easy, and life seems unworthwhile and too hard, and too scary. And I (not too fragile, because I'm too stubborn to be that delicate...but) too worn out. Used up. Drained of everything good and lovely and noble and worthwhile.
Grief sucks, yo! But my friends DO NOT! And over time, as they've supported me (and listened to my endless outpourings of woe and self-pity and whininess (and occasional drunken-all-of-the-above-ness)) they've sent me some absolutely BRILLIANT tunes to help me find my happy place again.
And it (mostly) works like a charm.
This weekend, Sandy (do you know Sandy? She's such a darling - you should go visit her) posted a vid on her blog, which hit me right between the eyes and pole-axed me in THE BEST WAY POSSIBLE. It's PERFECT. In every way. And I love it. I shared it with lots of people who I thought would benefit. And (most of them) found it every bit as enchanting, entrancing, and full of 'everything' as I did.
Then there's Dyanne, who is so dear, and such a supportive listener, encourager and friend. And silly with it, but in the most wonderful way. She's listened to me rantingdrunk (maybe more than once - I can't remember) and is great at saying things which aim to bring me back into my positive aspect. She doesn't mind combatting great tracts of sorrow with an influx of true positivity (her specialty) and she very firmly draws the line at maudlin.
And just occasionally (in this little world of Hardwired-Heartness) she might just sing me to sleep with the perfect song to banish those blues. It's the audio version of the nose-Merrrp! And makes me smile, almost every time - because of the spirit in which it was given, and the sheer lightness of idea in the song. It's also just about my level of singing, so I can join in. Or sing it over the radio when a Christmas song starts.
(Though sometimes the songs my dear friends send can be so damn INDOMITABLY DETERMINED TO BE FREAKIN HAPPY (or something) that they get a little bit much...catchy, catchy, drat! It's in my head again...)
And then, finally, there's the one which I've brought with me from childhood - the one which holds a VERY strong sense-memory to ice-skating, and the sound of the song reverberating off the ice, and the cold, and the swoosh of people's skates as they glided around in never-ending circles. And learning to do it too, and feeling the freedom and near-flying of that glide.
A happy memory.
And happy to be back with Jen, for Twisted Mixtape Tuesday. Or, er, Twednesday, as the case may be,,,
Also, Jen, yaknow how much I like ya - well get this: this is my 400th post! Ever. And it's all yours :D